7th October - Unexpected Twists

I’ve been thinking this morning that I want to write about an accident that happened yesterday.

(I’ll write it on both the public blog and private one because it’s all about neurodivergence and accidents/sudden changes and I know all that can feel super lonely sometimes.)

We were at Grandma’s yesterday and I made a hot oat milk drink on the pan. (I’ve still got to be yeast free, wheat free, dairy free, sugar free & histamine free and wanted something different to water 😣) I poured it and put it on the arm of the sofa… Lola (she’s read through this and is happy for me to post it) decided to be cheeky and sit in my spot! I was messing around trying to get one of the other kids to budge up so I could sit with them both. I didn’t see the next bit but Lola said she asked for a blanket but as she was getting herself comfy with it it got caught on the cup and knocked the drink onto her thigh.

I heard her scream, turned around and pulled the wet trouser leg away from her skin but she was wearing a jumpsuit; so I shouted at Mum (sorry Mum) to rip the buttons open and pull it off her. I carried her into the shower and she had cold water on the burn for an hour. It broke my heart to see her cold and struggling with what had happened (If Lola’s suddenly in a situation that she doesn’t understand or is finding difficult she will often go silent while she processes it). She stood with her head down facing the wall and would repeat, “I don’t like this, make it stop”, every few minutes, but every time I pointed the shower head away from her skin she would feel the burn again. A lot of the redness reduced or disappeared but left a patchy red mark on her thigh. After she got out the shower I put Aloe Vera on the burn and she had pain relief, but about 15mins after this, blisters started to show. Lola absolutely hates hospitals so I was trying to do everything I could to keep her from having to go, but as the blisters came I sent a picture to a nurse friend who told us she needed to go in to A&E.

At this point, Lola got more upset and clung onto my Mum as I picked her up to take her. I carried her in the van and prayed she wouldn’t try to take her seatbelt off or get back out the van.

I carried her into A&E (Lola is massively tactile, she needs hugs/close contact to regulate), the reception staff and triage nurse we saw were so kind. The wait was difficult but Lola was quiet for most of it, just watching what was going on around her, taking it all in, but her sad/scared face always hits me hard. When she started saying she didn’t want to be there anymore we played offline games on my phone which, thankfully, completely distracted her.

I’d told the triage nurse that Lola’s autistic to help explain why she won’t look at or talk to them.

(None of the kids have diagnoses because Tyler was looking into joining the Navy and we found out that if you have a diagnosis of Autism you need a separate interview to see if you can join, and if you have ADHD you automatically can’t join! We didn’t want to jeopardise anything they might want to do in the future so I need to contact the hospital to explain this and take them off the waiting lists.

*This is no shade on anyone who wants a diagnosis, neurodivergence is so varied and it’s hard for my kids to embrace themselves as Autistic/ADHD without the diagnoses but we’re working on slowly showing them traits, ways of thinking, ways the mind works etc. with Autism/ADHD so they can spot the similarities in themselves and naturally learn to embrace that.*

But, back to Lola, when we saw the nurse practitioner, she was everything we could have asked for. She was patient from the start, a real calm presence, she spoke to Lola explaining what she needed from her (to lie on me with her leg facing up) and explaining what she was going to do, “I’m just going to clean it, it will be a bit cold!” without expecting Lola to reply or even look at her. So, Lola could hide her face in me, hug me, but also allow the nurse to clean and dress her wound because there weren’t any extra surprises!

The hardest thing Lola found was when she was asked to hold her hand out so the nurse could figure out what percentage of her skin was covered by the burn. Lola intially fought me and pulled her arm/hand in as tight as she could, but the nurse explained that as soon as she’d done that part we could go home. We waited a couple seconds and I said, “we can go home as soon as you’ve shown the nurse your hand” and Lola relaxed and let me guide her hand to the nurse’s.

We left the room with Lola very hot and red from having an interaction she finds so hard, and as soon as we’d got to the van she said, “I’m NEVER going back!”! I felt emotionally exhausted just from having a few hours of Lola in pain and then taking her somewhere where I had no control over the interactions she would have to have and that’s the reason I wanted to write about it. Although all my guys have Autistic and ADHD traits they’re all so different within it that if I’d had to go to hospital with any of the others, I’d have had 4 different experiences. Lola’s is tricky with not feeling able to communicate, but another of my kids hides how they really feel so that’s tricky in a different way to make sure they get the right help!

I just wanted to share how grateful I am for the nurse, share the amazing things she did to make the experience as smooth as possible, and just let anyone else know that they’re not alone. Accidents happen, I felt awful for it and obviously always try to prevent them, but it’s a part of life and particularly within ADHD they happen a lot more!! 😖

On top of that, because I’ve been trying to get ready to move with the kids and dogs to Mum & Dad’s I’m behind on washing so I knew Lola didn’t have any other clothes to wear and I’d just ripped one of the only things she can wear! Lola needs very particular clothes to feel comfortable - not too tight, not too loose, the right material, no labels (and clothes that can feel okay one day can feel impossible to wear the next day if she’s feeling anxious/upset/frustrated because those feelings heighten her body’s awareness to the irritation (clothes in general) and reduce her tolerance for it. We’d gone in to ASDA as a last minute dash just last week to buy her 2 new outfits because she was getting so upset at not having anything she feels comfortable in… I then washed them… tumble dried them without thinking and they came out 2 inches shorter!! I try to buy Next clothes in the sales so they can all be accidentally tumble dried but money isn’t on our side at the min so I tried to get a cheaper option… which backfired!! 😆

So, incase anyone else is out there feeling like they keep making mistakes, I’m with you!!

We have to go back to get the wound re-dressed tomorrow… I’m thinking of going to Lidl first and letting her pick something I would usually say no to so that she has a treat to hold onto and it makes it slightly easier to go back again, but I’d massively appreciate prayers for healing and for Lola to feel peaceful heading back. There’s a chance we could dress it ourselves after tomorrow if the wound is healing well so I’m selfishly hoping for that option but also know that God has done big work in situations me and the kids have felt uncomfortable in so we’ll go along with whatever the bigger plan is if that’s the case!

Anyway, I’ll stop now.

I hope if you’re reading this you spot some little nuggets of goodness in your mess today 🔆

Speak soon,

Lis x

(I’ve started writing out a few things I’m doing each day for my health and including them in my personal blog (https://www.skylarkhopeandjoy.co.uk/skylark-sanctuary-blog) for anyone who wants encouragement/to join me, but I’ll include them here incase it helps!)

PILATES: https://youtu.be/QhHYVInEtjw?si=3MAdzbosA8iG7xIm (this is Day 4, it’s a HIIT one but I feel physically & mentally wiped from yesterday so I’ll do this stretch one this morning instead https://youtu.be/jyjJ4PBvU8Y?si=jPh3L4Vkurk3zh1n and if I’m more alive later I’ll do the HIIT one!

GRATITUDE: Today I feel super grateful for family, friends & the staff yesterday.

OUTSIDE: I’m taking it easy this morning, will try and catch up on washing and potter around the house but, as you know, my head is mush at the minute anyway, so I’m not pushing myself, I’ll just put music on and see how far I get with it. This afternoon we’ll pick my nephew up and walk over to Grandma’s house and probably have shorter walks with the dogs so I don’t push my head too far.

NUTRITION: I’m still trying to get a load of meals batch cooked to fridge/freeze at Mum’s but I’m going to do roast potatoes, veg, vegan sausages & chickpeas and make Bubble & Squeak today because it’s something I can do more on autopilot and with the amount of spellings that I know but I’ve had to look up today just to write this because my head kept going blank… I know my head needs to do something where it doesn’t have to think much!!

I’m looking to try this one soon though https://www.radhidevlukia.com/recipes/easy-30-minute-creamy-lemon-pasta-with-pistachio-herb-gremolata 👀

SONG: To help my nervous system chill after yesterday, I’ve got Elevation Worships’s Anywhere Session - Golden Hour on now. I love the light of golden hour & the chilled nature is helping me just breathe and bring some strength back in https://youtu.be/rwsByFZKqLA?si=sJ5387YdaxpDvH8R

www.skylarkhopeandjoy.co.uk - the online place I’m building to continue mental health nursing by providing practical and emotional support, acknowledging the real and the hard and alongside faith, hope & joy!