WHO AM I?!…

WHERE IT STARTED…

I grew up in Ilfracombe, Devon (England) with my parents and brothers. My Mum worked in the local infants school and my Dad was a self-employed painter and decorator.

When I was 7 years old, Dad had what was classed as a “breakdown”. It was triggered by the death of his sister, and the extremely traumatic childhood he had experienced caused his mind to… well, break down!

Dad was admitted to hospital and was diagnosed with “Paranoid Schizophrenia and Manic Depression” (the name of the illness today would be “Schizoaffective Disorder”) but essentially, he was experiencing acute paranoia (99% of people were out to get him), visual and auditory hallucinations (one example is that he would see and feel gremlins biting his feet and his body would freeze in fear), times of mania where his mind would be buzzing and unable to switch off (so he’d get very little sleep) and he’d spend money without being able to see the implications of it, delusions (so his mind would create scenarios - that he would fully believe to be true - that weren’t linked to reality), and severe depression leaving him unable to function.

As a result, he was admitted to hospital against his will for long periods at a time (6-11 months) in order to support him to recover.

Dad’s recovery is a long, fascinating, complicated story - but ultimately, the care that he received in hospital by SOME staff (some were fab) and the way that we as a family were treated because of it all gave me the drive to become a nurse and create a change.

At 17 years old I wasn’t enjoying AS Levels so I looked into when you can start university, found that the Mental Health Nursing course accepted applications from 17 & half year olds, so I promptly quit school and applied for uni! I didn’t actually think of a back up plan at this time, my mind was purely set on, “well, I want to be a nurse, so that’s what I’ll do!” Thankfully, my application was successful and I started at the University of the West Of England (Bristol) in January 2008. I had my eyes opened during my time in Bristol as a student on the various placements. I gained so much knowledge/life experience from each one that I finished uni feeling I had 40 years of life experience, not 20! I found the placements challenging yet they felt right, and they each provoked something different inside me, a different way to be; and they all confirmed I was following my passion, but the course work side of things hard - I’m impatient and not one for being disciplined enough to set study/assignment times!

My Grandad passed away in September 2009 and I ended up commuting from Devon to Bristol for the final year of uni as we were very close and the pull to be back at home was intense. I am a sea-loving girl… but not actually in the sea, just watching it!! (I got hit on the head with a surf board when I was body boarding years ago and I’ve not been in the sea past my waist since!) I needed to be outside, to sit and listen to the sea, to walk for miles without a destination. In all honesty, the last year my husband got me through it, he kept telling me to not give up, to just keep doing one day at a time and do the best I could that day. I’ll always be thankful for that… but I’m not one to tell him, and he’s not one for reading so I doubt he’ll ever see this!

So I made it through university, literally scraped through some of the assignments, nailed the exams because my mind works more effectively in exam based situations, and had some feel-good feedback from my placements. That makes it sounds relatively easy - I found it emotionally knackering!

But I made it, I qualified! I decided not to go for the degree because I’d lose my bursary money, having the Diploma gave me the same opportunities as the degree would and my goal was simply to be a nurse. I finished uni in December 2010 and started my first job on a ward in Bideford Hospital in February (or March? I can’t remember!) 2011.

I married Matt in May 2011 and unexpectedly fell pregnant with my first child in July 2011 but sadly miscarried in October. I longed to carry another baby after that (that’s a whole, huge, other story that I won’t go into here) and I found out I was pregnant again a few days after we’d bought our first house in December 2011.

I struggled A LOT working on the psyhicatric ward. I loved supporting people in every day ways, but I also loved sitting and picking up on what makes them tick and figuring out a way to enable them to hold onto that spark throughout their life. However, there was no room for that. I was continually told we couldn’t try any ideas I had, whether they were backed up with research or not. I am someone who believes that “adequate” care isn’t good enough. We can do more. Additionally, if I could have had the opportunity to provide different care that enabled someone to remain out of hospital by having the tools they needed to support their mental health then it’s saving money! This ended up chipping away at me as I just felt there was so much more we could and should be doing.

I ended up applying for a job in the Older Adults Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) while on maternity leave and returned to work there. My son was almost 6 months old and had been discharged form hospital after having pneumonia the night before my first day in the CMHT, so I started as a bit of a mess! I let my new manager know that my head will struggle to concentrate because my son was still very poorly at home… but my manager simply stated that because he’s not in hospital I need to get on with my job. I worked there for 4 months before finding myself feeling like I was missing out on too much time with my son. My life had been all about mental health for so many years that I had no idea how much being a mum was going to grab hold of me emotionally, so I asked for part-time work. My manager didn’t even lift her head from her desk to say “I don’t have part time workers on my team”. So, I returned to my desk, googled how to write a letter of resignation, and handed it in.

My biggest takeaway from this job was the fact that I made such a gorgeous friend. She gives her everything to the people she’s supporting, she’s so genuine, so kind and so fun that it restored my hope in all things mental health just knowing she was in there.

Following that, I trained in massage and provided massage as a way of relieving and coping with depression and anxiety. Over the next 5 years, I had 3 more children, started - and have now had to leave - a garage business with my husband, worked in a nursing home and started Think HEALTH in January 2019!

Think HEALTH was essentially what Skylark Hope & Joy is now, a way to connect with people and share hope and light in a darker seasons.

In 2022 I was about to let my nursing PIN lapse but that gorgeous friend I spoke about earlier persuaded me to return to the NHS to work on their bank so I could choose my shifts. I reluctantly (but now I’m so thankful for it!!) did and ended up learning so much more and meeting more incredible people working a little on the wards but mainly within Liaison Psychiatry.

I had to stop working in July 2024 and I’ve written a little book about life from then to now, and a load of other lessons I’ve learned over my 34 years, you can buy it through this website if you wanted to read more.

So, here I am. Still passionate. Still driven. Still listening to God. Still meeting new people and loving it. Still listening. Still learning. And more determined than ever to bring new light, hope and a total change in the way we look at mental health and healing.

We’ll be uploading videos to YouTube that are just everyday life videos, we’re currently renovating our house and I love attempting to grow fruit and veg - so the videos are house, garden & family life, just so anyone knows you’re not alone and to help find the little nuggets of gold in the everyday. (The link to YouTube is on the main page)

FYI - some of the pictures of me on here are now 14 years old! Follow Instagram @parrlife to see the 34 year old version of me!

I have to add a MASSIVE thank you to my Mum… she’s always there no matter what day, what time, or what I need! I wouldn’t be who I am or able to live the life I live without her.